April 10, 2022
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Today is going to be a different kind of Episode. In fact, this whole podcast is about to go through a bit of a change, a transformation to a bit more of a peaceful place.
I have been praying.
I have really been asking God to help me.
I know when I ask, truly ask for help I also have to be open to listening. Obedience is what He asks for. A good friend reminded me the other day that He doesn’t promise success, but He does ask for obedience. In that, comes trust.
Why should you care? Well, this whole podcast is for you and it’s changing. Hang tight. I’ll get there.
When I started this podcast I did it out of love- love, compassion, and understanding towards you and with you. I know what it is like to be hungry to know the Lord and to feel lost about where to start. I know what it is like to sit in a bible study, jealous of the ladies around that had faith and I didn’t even know where to begin finding faith. I didn’t know what the word ‘devotional’ meant. I thought pre-existence was a very normal Christian belief. I had zero clue what it meant to be ‘born again’ other than some catchy thing you say as a fancier way to say, Christian. I felt foolish. I felt different.
And what sucks is I always felt different when it came to faith. When I was in the church I never belonged. I had a mixed faith home. I did not know it was true. I genuinely never felt good there.
And in the 20 years, I bounced around between Christian churches, New-age, Buddhism, Echart Tole, and loving Oprah more than knowing God, I never felt at home there either.
I was always trying to fill a hole, a Jesus-shaped hole that only could be filled by surrender, but I had no idea that was what I needed let alone how to get there.
When I started this podcast, my goal was to help you ladies that were just coming to Jesus, just entertaining the idea of learning who He truly is all while carrying a load of religious baggage. I had and still have a heart for you like nothing else.
This has been a whole new chapter to my Jesus journey and my walk in faith. Partly due in part to people’s fascination with Mormon beliefs, I was really encouraged to dive more and more into Ex-Mormon stories; More and more into contrasting beliefs and telling more; Spending more and more time diving into the struggles Ex-Mormons specifically go through.
In order to know I was speaking right to you, I needed to get back in this world. I needed to relive some of it. I needed to open that door.
I listened as some ladies poured their hearts out to me- stories of deception, ultimate loss, confusion, families crushed, frightening ceremonies, encounters, drugs, hospitalization, jail, alcohol, abuse, the list goes on. I thank you for being so incredibly honest.
I got into Facebook groups and relived the anger, hate and hurt that come from that moment when you reject everything you ever knew about God. I learned more about the doctrine than I even remembered. I argued in defense of grace with TBM. I sucked it up when I was told that as an ex I clearly did not understand what was taught or what the true Gospel is. I was told my experiences never happened.
I was also reminded of how un Mormon I ever was. I never experienced the temple so clearly, I don’t understand that. Again, I lived in a mixed-faith home. I never lived in Utah, we didn’t have family home evening and I did not go to or ever wanted to go to BYU. Now, after these conversations, I don’t know if I would have even been considered Jack.
I’ve put myself in these places to hear all this. I opened that door.
I do think it was necessary for me to go down this road. I needed to feel that feeling again.
What feeling am I talking about?
This incredibly icky feeling. Like having the flu. I feel tinges of it when I hear trigger words like ‘the fullness of the gospel’ or even ‘heavenly father’. But I had not felt it full on in 22 years.
I always knew I left for a reason I could not fully put into words.
It is that feeling.
I know the bible says not to trust our feelings, but this feeling, well, is undeniable. It is not from God.
As I said, I had not felt it in 22 years, but on this journey back into the world of healing Mormonism I have. I felt it talking to my dad when he text me a lesson from the church that was so against the Bible that I can’t even express how against God it felt. It made me sick to my stomach. I felt it in 4 interviews I had for the podcast when I put the Doctrine and Covenants in my Amazon shopping cart for study purposes, and I felt it numerous times in the Facebook groups. I never bought it, by the way.
I couldn’t explain it, but this last time I felt it I knew, like a familiar bad friend, I could feel the presence of that feeling. That is why I left the church. That is why I never went to the temple. That is why when I left I shut that door hard behind me.
The presence of that feeling is not one I care to ever feel again. Ever.
Some doors are meant to remain closed.
Now, where does that leave me? Where does it leave you, dear listener, and this podcast?
Well, going back to the beginning- The reason for starting this podcast was 100% purely intentions of love and compassion. I hate the idea of other beautiful girls out there living a religiously homeless existence with a suitcase of baggage in tow. I wanted you to know that Jesus is the only affiliation, the only club that really matters. I wanted you to know more about Him. I wanted you to learn to trust Him and trust His word. I wanted you to learn how He speaks through His word.
I wanted this to be a place of finding faith above.
Not in man, friends, doctrine, knowledge, church. I wanted you to find peace in the wisdom from above.
So that is what we are going back to.
We are going to explore honest questions and find answers in the wisdom of our Lord.
I have been praying a lot. I needed direction. I needed protection. I needed to know where God asked me to be and what He asked me to do. I needed to know that I was walking in His will. He had been quiet. Maybe, more honestly, I had not been truly asking or listening. I just dove down a rabbit hole that showed me more truth than I’d care to swim in.
But when I asked for help, He was quick to show me.
Take a little scripture journey with me. This was His direction.
“God, what can I offer these ladies/ this world that brings you glory?”
We all have gifts from the Spirit. I have been told many times that I am a teacher. I love to teach. Wisdom in this is key.
“God, I’m being called to teach these ladies, to help them, to guide them in wisdom…”
“God, how then am I to do what you asked of me to help these ladies to know you? Where does this wisdom come from because I am not truly qualified to teach from my own stregth. Where do I find this wisdom to guide them?”
It’s funny. When I was trying to decide what to name this podcast I really wanted Finding Faith, and I didn’t know how to finish it. Above just kept coming to me.
Finding Faith Above.
God is good.
This is going to be the new direction of this podcast.
We are going to dive into His word and gain wisdom from Above. We are going to find His peace by making peace.
First things first, I am making peace with my past as an ex-Mormon, as a Sunday Christain, as a new age follower, and as someone who didn’t know God. That girl died when I excepted Jesus as my Lord and savior. Some doors are okay to stay closed.
Have you made peace with your past? If not, I invite you to right now. Let’s make peace with it. He makes us new.
This podcast is going to be a place like I originally intended- to help you ladies who are ready to go on a Jesus Journey and don’t know where to start.
The 3 Need-to-Know Steps to Faith:
- Find Faith- We are going to discuss why we should trust the Bible, who is God, Jesus, Holy Spirit, and the Trinity. We are going to talk about different theological concepts and views. We are going to learn what the word theology even means. We are going to learn about God, so we can open our hearts to trust God.
- Live Faith- Here, we are going to get to know God. Once we trust Him and His word we can live in His will. We are going to build a relationship with Him. We are going to read His word and discover His Wisdom from Above.
- Give Faith- The great commission- The last thing Jesus ever told us to do was to go out and make disciples of all nations. Our purpose is to know God and make Him known. How can you use your spiritual gifts to make that happen?
This podcast is dedicated to you who are ready for this Jesus Journey. You are hungry to know Him and fill that Jesus-sized hole in your heart. You don’t want to sit in Bible study and feel like the loner who just doesn’t get it. You are loved by our Creator.
Here, we are answering honest questions, trusting God and building a relationship rooted in the wisdom of His word. We are finding faith above.
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