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Obsessed with helping women understand what it means to be born again, talk to God, and move past religious baggage so they know their Self-Worth after the church.

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Wondering How to Talk to YOUR Family Still in the Church About Faith? Here is the Secret that May Open the Door to Truth.

February 21, 2022

When we come to know Jesus we just can’t help it, we want to share it everywhere. We also want our loved ones to know the truth.

When talking to loved ones or really anyone still in the church it is so incredibly tempting to just tell them all the facts. You want to share all the truth you have uncovered about church history, reliability, lies, facts, deception- truth.

But here is today’s big question- does sharing all the deep, dark dirty facts get others closer to Jesus? Does it help us? Is it what Jesus would want us to do?

Today we are talking about the consequences of sharing too much too soon with members and what Jesus truly wants. Wondering How to Talk to YOUR Family Still in the Church About Faith? Here is the Secret that May Open the Door to Truth.

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Top Resources to help you Rock The Christian Life as an Exmo

Hearing from God is just one area that you may be struggling with now after leaving the church, but you are not alone on this journey. I compiled all of my favorite apps, videos, books, music all sorts of things that have helped me on this journey and put them into a resource library for you. Click below for access to it all. So fun!

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You’re re-learning it all. Why not get some direction on your way?!? This takes you to my full library of things I have found so dang helpful on my faith journey. I know they will help you too! 
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“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”



Some Suprising Figures of Those Who Leave the Church


That is how many people who leave the church leave God altogether.

I did.

It is so sad and it shaped the rest of my life. When I decided the church was not true (pre-internet so I really didn’t know, but I knew) my head kind of exploded a bit. We are so conditioned to believe that God is the god of the Mormon church and when we walk away from it, we walk away from God too. Everything we ever knew about Him was gone in a flash.

If We Leave Before We Know Jesus

And when we walk away and have no inkling of Jesus before we do, well then we end up… Godless.

I can’t think of a sadder thing in all of life than to have no belief in our creator who is all around us, but I was there. I was there along with 85% of those who leave. If you can’t believe in the god we had been thought, well then we just may never trust again- Not God. Not man. No one.

Can you relate?

I kinda hope you can and I also kind of hope you can’t relate.

Honestly, I hope you went straight from the Mormon sacrament meeting, turned in your keys, drove to the nearest Christian church, and started worshipping hands in the air and praising Jesus. That would be the perfect story. But chances are that is not what happened.

The truth is if we leave the church before we at least have an inkling of Jesus we found ourselves, often for the first time, with no faith. And once we are at this point along with all of our baggage, it is really hard to soften our wounded hearts enough to ever find Him.

In short, if we leave before we know Jesus, we may never know Him.

How not to talk to family about our faith in Jesus

It is so tempting to shower those who are in the church with truth. Give them the CES Letter. Somehow slip A Letter to My Wife into their inbox. If we want them to leave the church it might just work. If we want them to just know the truth we can shower them with a firehose all the deep ugly truth.

But in light of what we just talked about and the 85% chance they will then never know God, is that really what we want?

Not to mention that there will be about a billion rebuttals to the truth. Think about it, we were taught not to trust the Bible and to view anything that is a threat to the Mormon faith as anti-Mormon propaganda and Satan trying to tempt us. We couldn’t even look at it. Even a Bible verse that goes against the teachings of the full gospel (and there is a lot) is just an example of Satan trying to make us comfortable being like everyone else, deceived.

The truth just makes people angry. Do you know any angry ex-Mormons? I have encountered way too many. And I have also encountered the wrath of a current Mormon’s anger when confronted with things they see as just an attack. Truth stirs up something very uncomfortable. Do you remember? I do.

Wondering How to Talk to YOUR Family Still in the Church About Faith? Here is the Secret that May Open the Door to Truth.

What Does Jesus Ask of Us


Before we get into how we should talk to our family or even the missionaries at our door about Jesus, let’s talk a little about Jesus.

First off- the presence of God is undeniable. He is all around us. Every civilization from the beginning of time has understood the presence of a creator even if they were never introduced to Him.

For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. 

Romans 1:19-20

He is all around us in all His creation. He is undeniable.

I was reading through Mathew this morning. My Dad and I are reading through the New Testiment. I’ll get to that, but I was looking for verses that spoke to me. I have read through the parables many times, but this time I was struck by something super cool. Jesus over and over talks about faith. He heals because of ones faith. He calms the sea and questions the apostle’s faith. Faith in Him is what He expects. And what He asks for, what He commands is to love one another.

He hangs with tax collectors and the prostitutes. He eats with the rejects of society. He calls the unexpected to walk with Him. He commands us to love one another. He touches the leper and heals those who have faith in Him.

He doesn’t go out telling them how wrong they are. How everything they are doing will be a detriment to their lives. He doesn’t reprimand and through facts of God at them and put them all in their place.


He shows them love. He shows them how through faith miracles happen. He shows them kindness and does not push those who were wrong away. He just keeps showing them what it means to be a Christian so when we were called to follow Him we could be Christians- little Christ- and let His love and our faith work miracles to in the hearts of those around us.

“On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

Matthew 9:12-13
Wondering How to Talk to YOUR Family Still in the Church About Faith? Here is the Secret that May Open the Door to Truth.

I have had the most amazing opportunity to talk to so many of you amazing ladies lately. I’m so thankful and also surprised that God called me to this, but it just fills my heart on such a huge level to hear how He has worked in all of your lives.

A common thread with all of us who have found Jesus after leaving the church is one thing- a good, very patient Christian person who was willing to listen, talk, love, sometimes question, get to know our current beliefs and work it out with us. I have yet to meet someone as thankful to a person that showered them with shocking facts.


We need the love of Jesus in order to be called to Jesus.

A boyfriend, husband, friend, or sister that listened, didn’t push too hard. Just asked questions and shared the good news of our beautiful God a little at a time. Lind of like a slow drip of an IV. All the love and God’s beautiful word with patience.

Jesus commanded us to love one another. In 1 Corinthians His word tell’s us what that love should look like-

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails….

I help women who have left ‘the church’ and don’t want to give up on Jesus, learn to trust and know you are enough because of His grace, not works and build a relationship after religion.

1 Corinthians


Here is the Secret that May Open the Door to Truth…

How do you talk to them? With the love like listed above. No anger. With no record of wrongs.

But we are not perfect. Our words are not always going to be perfect.

In fact, many times our words may just seem like ‘Christian Daggers’ as I have been told. Yes, I have been told that while sharing the good news to loved ones.

It is tricky.

But do you know what is so cool? God did not leave us here to use our own words and muddle things up. He gave us His word.

I got this idea while trying to talk to my Dad.

I had watched Unveiling Grace, the documentary movie about Lynn Wilder and her family coming to Jesus. It is in the resource library if you want the link to go watch it. In it, Micah Wilder talks about his coming to Jesus while on his mission in Florida. He met with an, I believe, baptist priest sharing the Mormon gospel with him. At the end of the conversation, the priest challenged Micah to read the whole New Testament. Not with an LDS study manual or direction from the church, but just read it.

You see, God’s word is so much more powerful than our own. Our words can be argued with and debated. God’s word is actually perfect. It moves the heart.

This is the secret- read God’s word.

Remember I talked about reading the New Testament with my dad? I’m doing all this right there along with you all, trying to take to the family. I could bombard him with facts, but I don’t want to push him away from Jesus. I want to show him God’s love. I was in debate and things were not going well. I would never have gotten anywhere with my own words. Micah’s testimony rang in my ears. Read the New Testament. So that is what we are doing, all through text so no anger comes out in person. We are each reading a few chapters at a time and sharing the verses that mean the most to us.

Will it work? If there is anything that may open the door of truth and bring Jesus into His heart and the hearts of all your loved ones it is this- God’s perfect word.

Key Take-aways

To recap- The best way to push those who are currently in the church away from God altogether is to shower them with a firehose of truth bombs. 85% of those who leave the church leave God. They have to know the love of Jesus first. How do we show them the love of Jesus? By being a loving Christian- be patient, kind. Do not envy, boast, or be prideful. Do not dishonor others, be self-seeking, or, so important, not easily angered. Do not keep a record of wrongs or delight in evil, but rejoice with the truth. Show love because it never fails. And the best way, the secret that may open the door to this truth with your loved ones- find a way to read the word with them. Let God do the speaking for you.

So here is your challenge if you choose to accept it- find a way to read God’s word with your loved ones and no matter what, no matter how much they chose the opposite, always show them Christ’s love.


Here is a link to a service at Sagebrush Church in Albuquerque, NM. My hometown and my home church. It is all about love. It is a beautiful service and will speak Jesus’ love right to your heart.

In the resource library, you will find a link to a ministry that offers courses to help you speak to those still in the church. Truth in Love Ministry Courses are going to feel a bit like review for some of you, but they will remind you how you once felt in the church and how to help those still there. Check it out in the link below.

Top Resources to help you Rock the Christian Life as an Exmo

I also want you to have all the best videos, articles, podcasts, communities- all sorts of cool things to help with moving forward.

The biggest thing- I want you to trust the bible and I know as an ex-Mormon this could be a struggle, so please head over and watch some of these cool videos on just how amazingly awesome and trustworthy the Bible really is.

I will continue to add to the library with things I find that will help you. Videos, articles, all the cool stuff to help you learn to pray, find truth and gain trust in the Lord.

“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”

Philippians 4:13

Next Steps…

Find Community…

  1. Join the Christian Women After Religion Community

    Let’s share! Share your creative, God-led story, heal from the old religious junk and make friends while we do it. Support, friendship, and collaboration at the FB group — Here

With love, Shelby Hohsfield

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